


Just In Case

by alnima



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, M/M, Nick's midlife crisis angst, Parent Louis, Parent Nick, The angst is what I would call, lots of feelings, read the notes for warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-19 01:03:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1449550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alnima/pseuds/alnima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick’s convinced she looks like Louis, knows that she can’t, but he’s convinced she has his eyes, and his lips. She’s beautiful, he can see that, but he’s still not sure how this all happened. How Nick Grimshaw, president of the ‘Love Is For Idiots Who Don’t Know How To Have A Good Time And Live Their Own Lives’ club became a devoted boyfriend… and father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just In Case

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PornyZiallFeels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PornyZiallFeels/gifts).



> Please check end notes for spoilery warnings.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't know or own anyone. This work is my own and it is not featured on any other site, nor does anyone have my permission to repost it in its entirety. Thank you!!!

Nick has the furthest clue when it happened, when he and Louis became a thing, a thing where they weren’t just in it for the sex, but in it for the feelings. Nick won’t say love, thinks it ridiculous and refuses to play into the mushy gushy crap that his friends buy into. It’s a ridiculous thought, love, and a touch embarrassing when he thinks about people who go on and on about love. It’s tacky, and he refuses to take part in it.

Even still he’s not sure when it happened, when everything Louis owned ended up inside of Nick’s apartment, taking up more and more space until Nick could no longer see Puppy, had to follow her barks until he’d find her under a new box that had been knocked over, and until Louis and Nick were sustaining injuries just trying to get clothes from out of their closet. And that’s exactly when Nick found himself with Louis, talking to a realtor, shopping for a new apartment. Louis had brushed it off that they needed just enough space for their new things because no one should have two of everything in one apartment. Nick agreed, saw the potential of expanding, and knew Louis had a point with the whole thing, plus he couldn’t stop himself from envisioning the property that Louis’ money could buy. He’s not embarrassed to admit that sometimes Louis is his little sugar daddy.

They ended up buying an apartment that should really have been listed as a house because three bedrooms and four bathrooms is ridiculous for an apartment, especially when he has to climb stairs to get to most of it. They got the one with the extra bedrooms per Louis’ demands; a spare for guests because Louis has an obnoxiously large family that is always popping in unannounced, or for Harry when he’s too drunk to make it home and Louis insists that he needs to be taken care of, or when he gets lonely in that big house he has all to himself, and then, of course, another bedroom just in case. Nick has no idea what just in case means.  


So they got an apartment together and Nick was left wondering when this thing with Louis became more than just a thing, not just a thing with casual, monogamous sex, but a thing where he’d - very sparingly when no one is around to hear it and only on occasions where Louis caught him off guard - said the love word. It was a thing. Nick’s never done boyfriends, thinks love is embarrassing, but then he met the little brat and everything changed. He should have known it would happen, Louis is far too domestic, wants to coddle everyone he meets, wants to wedge himself into their lives for as long as he possibly can to take care of them without ever letting them know that they’re being taken care of. He’s a parasite, honestly. Nick’s never met anyone who could weasel his or her way into someone’s life unannounced and completely take it over, Nick’s life especially.

It was a thing.

It’s still a thing, a different thing, but a thing nonetheless.

It works for them, Nick doesn’t argue it because it works, and why should he stop a good thing? He shouldn’t. And so that’s why they’ve had their thing for all of 5 years, since Louis was 20 and he was 27, that doesn't mean anything, just that it’s been working for that long. He’s far too old to find someone else, his age throwing him completely off the market and he’s lucky that he could find someone anyway, or so Louis tells him. And after years together, years of setting up a routine together he’s comfortable, (Nick leaving for his radio show at far too early in the morning for Louis to do anything other than accept the kiss Nick presses to his cheek with a grunt. When Nick arrives home Louis is sitting sleepily on the couch, cup of tea in his hands as he crawls onto Nick’s lap, only if he doesn’t have some fancy pop star work to do for the day, and in that case there is crudely written note taped to the fridge telling Nick when to expect him and what to expect. And at night Nick prepares them dinner, refusing to let Louis do anything in the kitchen. And every night they go to sleep wrapped around the other, trading slow, lazy kisses until one of them gets too tired to stay awake, usually Nick) and he’s not sure he could leave Louis even if he tried.

He imagined it once, leaving Louis, all scenarios ended with Louis killing anyone and everyone that Nick encountered. Louis in an orange jumpsuit telling a judge that they deserved it, and then jumping over the stand to kill the judge as well for trying to stop him. So really, when he thinks about it, he’s with Louis not just for selfish reasons, but also for the greater good of mankind. And that, well, Nick has always been the charitable type, so he can live with that. Besides they have a routine together, and he hates breaking routine. Plus, things have routines, all the time. It’s normal and Nick doesn’t find his throat closing up anymore at the thought that Louis is probably never going to leave him, and Nick will never know what it’s like to have a first anything with someone else. It had scared him shitless, still does when he thinks about it for too long, but now, now their thing has a thing and Nick doesn’t have time have to worry about anything else.  


Because after five years together, three and a half of them spent in their apartment, not the one without the space, but theirs with the extra bedroom for just in case does Nick ever find out what ‘just in case’ means, because after so long together Nick finds himself sitting at a desk with Louis finalizing the adoption of a beautiful newborn baby girl named Mia.  


It was during a post orgasm bliss that Nick agreed to the adoption, too fucked out of it to realize what he was agreeing to until the next morning when Louis had dumped an array of paperwork onto the kitchen table, telling Nick that he’s been talking with a lawyer for months now, waiting for the right time to tell Nick he wanted this. Nick can hardly argue that this is something he doesn’t want, not when Louis is looking at him with a new glow in his eyes, a twinkle that Nick’s never seen before. He knows Louis was born to be a father, has been practicing on his overgrown children that he calls band mates for years, along with every other person in his life, probably since the day he was born so Nick can hardly deny Louis this. And truth be told, he never expected the adoption papers to go through, two gay men that aren’t married are never going to get a child, never going to happen. And Nick stuck with that thought the entire process, and it worked for him, until they had arrived home that night with a bouncing baby girl.

Mia Nicole Grimshaw.  


(Louis wanted the baby to take Nick’s name, said the next one - Nick almost fainted when Louis told him they’d be having more than one - can have Louise as a middle name, an ode to his own first name, but he wanted to use Grimshaw, wanted his babies to have their daddy’s last name.)  


It’s enough to make him pass out, possibly spend the rest of his life in a coma when he thinks about a newborn moving into his house. And don’t get him wrong, Nick loves kids, absolutely loves when his friends, or older brother or sister have babies, loves being named godfather and being able to cuddle them without a care, but that’s the thing. Nick doesn’t have to care when he’s with other people’s kids, he can slip them candy before dinner without worrying that their teeth are going to rot from their skulls. He can pass them off when they get fussy and begin crying in his arms without any guilt whatsoever. Nick’s always been a fan of no strings attached, of living his life free of commitment, and he was so close to doing it too. So close to being able to enjoy a glass of wine while making a mockery of his friends, even if he could only do it with his dog. Puppy loves to make a mockery of others; she’s his dog after all.

But Nick’s life was never able to reach its true potential because of a certain twinky pop star that came barging into his life with the same force as a category five hurricane, complete destruction. So it’s not as much as surprise at it should be when Louis turns their ‘just a thing’ thing and adds more to it, more in the form of a seven-pound six-ounce baby girl with tufts of brown hair and even darker eyes, a deep shade of blue that makes Nick think of the strip of ocean you see far away when you’re standing on the beach looking out at the water (the ocean he used to look at when he was single and was able to take a trip without Louis and a total of six suitcases for two people, four of them belonging to Louis), with pale skin and rosy cheeks, a permanent flush to her skin. Nick’s convinced she looks like Louis, knows that she can’t, but he’s convinced she has his eyes, and his lips. She’s beautiful, he can see that, but he’s still not sure how this all happened. How Nick Grimshaw, president of the ‘Love Is For Idiots Who Don’t Know How To Have A Good Time And Live Their Own Lives’ club became a devoted boyfriend… and father.

~~~

It’s the middle of the night when he wakes up to a wailing cry coming from down the hall in the just in case bedroom, or Mia’s room, as it’s known now. He lifts his head off the pillow, turning to look at the digital clock on his nightstand, it reads 4:34 in the morning and Nick could practically cry at being woken up a half an hour before his alarm. He’ll never be able to get back to sleep, can hear the baby crying clear as day, knows Louis is in there with her instead of in bed with him, the fact that he’s not being weighed down to the bed by a one hundred and something pound child is a dead giveaway, probably having crawled out of bed just a few short minutes ago, not bothering to close their bedroom door, or keep the hallway light off. Honestly Louis is nothing if not considerate and Nick is so lucky to have him. Lucky is an understatement.

He tears his eyes away from the clock, glances down at the ground where Puppy lies on her back, stomach facing up, and paws spread out, looking up at Nick in annoyance.

“You and I both,” Nick grumbles, reaching out to scratch behind her ears before he crawls out of bed. He follows the sounds of the cries, closing his bedroom door behind him, trying to be considerate of his dog, something Louis doesn’t understand, and shuts the hallway light off as he makes his way through the corridor. He bumps into the wall as he goes, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he follows the carpet to Mia’s room.

Mia’s bedroom door is open, exposing the pale pinks walls with the flower paintings that Zayn made for her; which Nick’s fairly positive Louis’ forced him to do, and the side edge of her crib. He doesn’t make his presence known, instead he leans against the doorframe and watches Louis bounce their daughter in his arms, releasing a yawn. Mia’s room is positively, hands down, the girliest room ever to have existed. He’s seen Louis’ sisters rooms, knows they never had as much pink, as much flowers, as much frill as she has. It’s enough to make him vomit, and if he didn’t know better he’d guess that Mia was crying from a pink induced headache. But Louis wanted it, and Nick is nothing if not the world’s greatest boyfriend, so of course he allowed his house to be turned into a schoolgirl’s dream, even if it the just in case bedroom and his thing with Louis is just a thing. He likes to keep his thing happy, doesn’t want to upset it and listen to it nag until his ears bleed and he’s forced to perform shameful - in Louis mind, definitely not his - sexual acts in order to get it to stop.

Louis is wearing a pair of Nick’s boxers and one of his old shirts - he doesn’t know why Louis has clothes when all he does is steal Nick’s, forcing him to buy more - and Mia is swaddled in a pink blanket, purple hat with puppy ears on her head. She’s wailing, positively pissed if Nick had to guess, her lips pulled back exposing her toothless gums, eyes scrunched shut as she screams. If Nick weren’t a better man he’d leave, get in his car and drive to the corner shop and buy earplugs, but he’s a good person, so he stays in the doorway and listens as Mia screams at Louis.

“You’ve been fed, burped, and changed,” he hears Louis mutter. “You must just want a cuddle, hmm? Cuddle from Papa? Daddy won’t let you sleep in our room, he’s old, ancient really, and we’re lucky he’s still with us, otherwise I’d bring you back to bed with me.”  


Nick rolls his eyes, he’s thirty-two years old, for God’s sake, and Louis is talking about him like he’s eighty-seven with a cataract and wheelchair next to the bed.  


He continues to watch as Louis rocks Mia gently, trying his best to soothe her and failing miserably as she continues to cry. It only takes a few more minutes for Louis to realize he’s being watched, glancing over his shoulder to where Nick is standing in the doorway.  


“Did we wake you?” Louis asks, turning slowly, his voice is low, soothing. 

“Screaming child with all the lights on? Nope, definitely not.”  


Louis smiles at him softly and Nick is once again amazed at the way Louis looks at him. “I can’t get her to stop crying, she’s positively pissed, and nothing I do will get her to stop. Why are you crying, Mia?” Louis says, directing the last bit of his statement to the baby in his arms who screams back at him, no words just pure emotions. “Maybe Daddy can make it better, hmm? You want Daddy?”

“No, no, no,” Nick mutters, taking three steps backward into the hallway when Louis tries to hold the baby out to him.

“Nick, your daughter wants you. I’ve tried everything; everything, and she won’t stop crying. Stop being a baby and hold her, Nicholas,” Louis says, baring his shiny, pointy teeth at Nick, his voice light as he tries not to upset Mia even more, but the look in his eyes tells Nick that he’s being serious and he’s not going to take any bullshit at a time like this. Nick doesn’t blame him, but still he doesn’t want to hold the baby, doesn’t see why he needs to do it.  


“I would, love, but I need to get ready for work. Good luck,” Nick says in a rush, turning and fleeing back to the bedroom.

He closes the door behind him, locks it for good measure. “Don’t open that,” he says to Puppy, like his dog, even standing on her back legs, could reach the doorknob and open it for Louis if he comes chasing after Nick. Although he wouldn’t put it past Louis, thinking back on the time Louis picked the lock to his old apartment the one time Nick had an emotional – he won’t say crisis, those are Louis words – moment over the fact that he had somehow, accidentally, completely on purpose has begun a thing with a bratty pop star. It was his first and only emotional moment in their relationship, and it ended with Louis getting the key to his apartment copied so Nick could never again wallow in self-pity, because, as Louis said, ‘you’re old and people will have thought you expired in here all by yourself while your dog refuses to eat your body because it’s old and stale.’

~~~

It’s not surprising in the least when Nick arrives at work some twenty minutes later with a string of colorful texts in his inbox from Louis. It’s ridiculous how many he’s sent, three that are pure threats to areas of his body that he doesn’t want to think about getting harmed, another seven are just pure verbal abuse - that should be reported to the police, but he’s a good person who would never do that, despite how much he would love a headline about Louis in cuffs. He would print it off and frame it, place it next to the bed, so he could read it every night before he goes to sleep. The five messages consist of images of Mia’s face as she cries. He roots through the texts, reading them, shaking his head at Louis’ absurdity before he saves all of the images. He uploads one of them to Instagram, a close up of Mia’s face, her mouth wide open as she screams; he captions it with ‘MORNINGGG!!!’. His phone vibrates a few short seconds later with an ‘ _are you fucking kidding?’_

Nick smiles and types back, **Cheers, love** before he turns his phone off and stuffs it back into his pocket.  


Louis is going to kill him, he’s fairly positive that he’s at home putting poison in Nick’s toothpaste, or something else discrete that nobody will suspect him. Louis hates when Nick turns his phone off, but he needs time to think, needs a moment to sit down and figure out what the hell is going on with his life. He didn’t sign up for this, for any of it.  


It was never supposed to be anything other than a good time with Louis... it was a thing. Possibly he’s in denial about when it became something more, and possibly he should have seen this coming all along and just accept and move on from the fact that his thing is actually something massive that has wormed its way into his entire life and into his mind. He can’t think of anything without relating it back to Louis and now, now he has to start considering Mia as well. Like, Nick can’t come home from a bad day at work and drink a bottle of wine until Louis gets back from rehearsal, or doing promo, to take the bottle away from Nick and pet Nick’s hair until he falls asleep. Nick can’t come home anymore and enjoy a bottle of wine, because it’s irresponsible to do something like that when you’re a parent.

He can’t go out with his friends on the weekend, or plan a spontaneous trip to Dubai because he’s bored and wants to drink cocktails on the beach with his friends and fuck Louis in foreign hotels. Now he’ll have to plan a spontaneous trip to the park, not to lounge in the sun with his friends, but to push Mia around in her baby carriage, or watch her at the playground when she’s old enough. He won’t be able to fuck Louis on any of these occasions.

God, he doesn’t even know if he’ll ever be allowed to have sex with Louis ever again. Parents aren’t allowed to have sex; they have children to look after. Nick feels like he could cry, he’s half tempted to turn his phone back on just so he can ask Louis if he’ll ever be able to touch his ass again. He refrains though - remembering Louis’ anger for him - but only just.

Nick bangs his head against the steering wheel for a little while, thinks maybe if he hits his head hard enough he won’t have to remember the angry Louis waiting for him at home. Or, maybe he can wake up to the part where this is all a dream and he’ll be at home fucking Louis.

That’d be nice.

He bangs his head against the steering wheel one last time before he pulls himself together and heads into work.

  
~~~

When Nick gets home from work it’s quiet. He hangs his jacket over the back of one of the chairs in the living room as he careful scans the perimeter of the room, trying to see if he can spot Louis hiding on the other side of the wall with a knife or something, ready to kill him for not answering his phone this morning and leaving the apartment in a rush. Nick doesn’t see him, or hear him. Instead, he hears the sound of ‘Hush Little Baby’ playing on the other side of the room where Mia lies in her swing, sound asleep. The swing looks out of place in his apartment, all vintage furniture with black and white accents. Her swing is pastel pink, a pillow to support her head in her infancy is a brighter shade of pink with a white canopy that connects to the mobile at the top with dangling flowers and butterflies, all in pinks and purples that are spinning a lazy manner. It’s cute if you’re a newborn girl, which Nick is not. It clashes with everything he owns. But then again, Nick stopped getting a say in furniture when Louis decided to move them into their own place.

It’s an easy sacrifice though; he figures maybe he can start including the color pink into their décor if he still gets to fuck Louis. He’s man enough to step up and make these kinds of sacrifices, he’ll buy pink throw pillows for the couch, and he’ll have sex with Louis. He’s willing to do these things.

Nick watches Mia rock back and forth in the swing for a beat longer before he crosses the room and drops down on the couch, propping his feet up on the table, and closing his eyes. ‘Hush Little Baby’ is transitioning into ‘Twinkle Little Star’ and Nick understands why these songs are used as lullabies, they’re so god-awful that his body is trying to force him into sleep just to spare him from having to listen to this any longer. He wonders, for a moment, if he could make Mia a mix tape, a compilation of songs put together that he thinks will do the trick when it comes to lulling her to sleep without knocking her out from sheer boredom, and also to prevent her ears from bleeding if he happens to stumble into the room while she’s listening.

He wonders if they have vinyl for babies, he’s never checked. It would drive Louis mad.

He makes the mental note to check into it.

Nick’s close to drifting off, ‘Twinkle Little Star’ nearing its finish when he hears the sound of footsteps approaching. He cracks one eye open and sees Louis peering at him curiously.

“What?” Nick asks, opening his eyes and lowering his feet off the table.

“What happened to your forehead?” Louis asks, sitting down on Nick’s lap, wrapping his arms around Nick’s neck, and brushing his fingers across Nick’s skin.

Nick winces as he feels it, reaching up to guide Louis’ hands away from his head. “Nothing, why?”

“Hmm,” Louis says, studying him closely. “You have a red spot in the middle of your forehead. Probably wouldn’t be noticeable if your hair wasn’t in that awful quiff. It draws away from your wrinkles and everything though, it’s massive, the red spot, not your hair, love. Your hair looks ridiculous.”

Nick blanches, reaching up to cover his forehead with his hand. He should have looked at himself in the mirror while he was at work, in the car, or just at any point in the day so he could see what the damage was from slamming his head against the wheel of his car. Honestly, it wasn’t that hard, or that many times. He feels like God is possibly punishing him and that he’s on Louis’ side in this whole thing. Instead of getting poison injected into his toothpaste, Louis is going to kill him by embarrassment. “It’s nothing, darling,” Nick says, squeezing Louis’ side. “Not sure what happened.”

“Oh that’s okay,” Louis says, smiling sweetly at Nick. He shifts around a bit until he can pull his phone out of his back pocket.

Nick watches him lazily as he unlocks it and guides his fingers across the screen before he turns it around to face Nick. He sees that it’s a video, a grainy, pixilated video of Nick bashing his head against his steering wheel in his car this morning. His mouth drops open as he watches it. Snatching the phone from Louis’ hands, and closing the video he sees that Fincham sent it to Louis this morning along with the text ‘ _Grimmy’s Midlife Crisis: Episode One._ ’

“How lovely,” Nick says dryly, deleting the video and tossing Louis’ phone across the room. It lands with a soft thud on the same chair that he put his jacket just a few moments ago.

“So, do you want to tell me why you were beating your head against the steering wheel?”

Nick shakes his head, keeps his mouth firmly shut. He closes his eyes and rests his head against the back of the couch.

“It’s okay if you’re nervous because of this, if you’re scared of her. It’s normal for people to be afraid of babies. It’s terrifying to know that another life is completely and utterly your responsibility, so I’d understand, but I need you to talk to me about it,” Louis says softly, reaching out to brush his fingers through Nick’s hair.

Nick thinks about it for a moment, contemplates admitting to Louis everything he’s been worried about since the first day they met. If he tells Louis, then Louis will let him rest his head in his lap while he strokes his hair and Nick might be able to get a nap in. Or, there is the distinct possibility that Louis is going to mock him for the rest of his life, and tell everyone that they meet about how petrified Nick is about this whole thing.

And if he knows Louis at all, which he likes to think he does, they’ve had a thing together for five years, so he knows that Louis is going to mock him. He’d tweet the video of Nick abusing his head and tell everyone about how he fled the house at the thought of holding the child.

He refuses to give Louis the satisfaction of being right.

So instead of telling Louis anything, he cracks an eye open and shrugs his shoulders, like the entire thing doesn’t bother him. From Louis moving in, to buying a new place together, to just being together to adopting a baby. None of it bothers him.

Nick can tell that Louis doesn’t buy it, because Louis lets out a deep sigh and rolls his eyes at him.

“Well, maybe Mia can sleep in our bedroom tonight and you’ll see that it’s okay to have a baby in the house,” Louis says, brushing his fingers along Nick’s jaw.

“No,” Nick says immediately. “She has a bedroom. I don’t know why… Just, no. It’s not happening.”

“Nicholas, you’re being ridiculous.”

“And you’re being demanding, pop star. I said no.”

Louis fixes him with a glare. “I’m going to let your attitude slide because I know you’re having a midlife crisis over being a new father. It happens to the worst of us, and I’m not at all surprised that it happened to you, with your old age and all, but tell me no again and I’ll chop your balls off, hmm?” Louis says sweetly, pecking Nick on the cheek, and climbing out of his lap. “I’ll make you some tea.”

“I’ll make some tea,” Nick mocks, waving a hand in Louis direction dismissively. “She is not sleeping in our bed tonight.”

Nick loves himself enough that allows himself to believe this lie. A man shouldn’t have to suffer, so he tells himself that he’s put in the final word and that Louis, for once in godforsaken life, will listen to Nick.

~~~

Nick thinks he might be actually getting his way when he finishes brushing his teeth and sees Louis lying in bed, shirtless, without Mia. He feels giddy, like a kid who has just convinced his parents to give him chocolates even after they’ve said no. He tries to hide his smile, doesn’t want Louis questioning him, as he crawls into bed.

He settles in next to Louis, getting under the blankets on his side of the bed, and tries not to alert Louis has that he has anything planned. It’s not just anything. Nick considers having sex with Louis to be in his top three favorite things of all time, the other two being kissing Louis and showering with Louis. If he had to put them in any order though sex would definitely be first. Always first, even before he could stand Louis he enjoyed having sex with him.

Sex with Louis is phenomenal. It’s mind blowing and wonderful and perfect and so fucking amazing that Nick would describe it as the eighth wonder of the world.

It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity that Nick, and Nick alone, should be able to experience.

“Darling,” Nick sings, reaching over and pulling Louis close to him, his bare back pressed against Nick’s chest.

“What are you doing?” Louis asks, craning his neck to try and get a look at Nick.

“I’m not doing anything, love,” Nick says, dropping another kiss to Louis’ neck. “I will just say that it’s been ages.”

“Since?”

Nick presses a kiss to Louis’ neck in response, slowly pushing Louis on his back and maneuvering around so he’s on top of him. This is Nick’s favorite place to be, with Louis underneath him. He drags kisses along Louis’ neck, dragging his teeth along Louis’ jaw until they’re properly kissing. He releases a satisfied hum when their mouths slot together, lips moving in sync as he uses one hand to support his weight and brings the other around Louis’ neck, tilting it up to fix the angle. Louis’ hands are digging into his hips as he slides his tongue across Nick’s mouth, working his tongue inside of it.

Louis kisses like he was made for it, like his purpose in life is to have his mouth pressed against Nick’s. It’s Nick’s favorite thing in the world, after sex with Louis. Kissing Louis is how this whole thing started, how Nick first had sex with him, and how they became a thing. He thinks kissing Louis is how their just a thing became an actual thing. And how Nick is going to accept the fact that he’s stuck with Louis for life.

He doesn’t mind though, even if Louis did break all the rules of having a thing.

Things aren’t supposed to last forever, but he knows Louis will kill him before he allows Nick to back out.

Nick pulls away from the kiss to suck a bruise on Louis’ neck. He wants to leave a mark that will last for a month, something for Louis to remember when he’s taking a shower, for when he’s getting dressed, or so Nick can remember what it’s like to have Louis squirming underneath him as he bites and sucks his collarbone, bruising the skin underneath.

He trails open mouth kisses from the love bite to his mouth where he immediately pushes his tongue inside of the other boy’s mouth, massaging his tongue with his own. He can feel his cock begin to thicken in interest, and fuck yes, Nick thinks. This is exactly what he wanted to do with his night. He wants to fuck Louis until he’s so exhausted that he passes out before he can clean the other boy off, before Louis can cuddle into his body and wrap around him like a koala.

But, of course, it’s the exact moment that Mia begins to wail from her bedroom.

“No, no, no, no,” Nick chants when Louis pulls away, kissing him quickly before he shoves Nick off of him completely. “No, god, no.”

“Sorry, priorities,” Louis mumbles, grabbing a shirt from off the floor, sniffing it to see if it’s clean. He makes a face but shrugs his shoulders and puts it on anyway.

Nick could cry. He could actually throw a proper tantrum as he watches Louis disappear from the room. He doesn’t have enough pride to be ashamed about the fact that he wants to throw himself on the floor and kick and scream until Louis comes running in to check on him and give him everything he wants. But he doesn’t. Instead, he tosses his head back on the pillows and groans, muttering curses under his breath.

Louis doesn’t come back for half an hour, which is enough time Nick to calm down and realize that it’s truly not the end of the world. He’s gone to sleep countless times without having sex with Louis, and, the obvious, that Mia’s needs are greater than his own.

It’s the first fatherly thought that he’s had since she’s been here and he’s quite proud of it. He can’t wait to tell Louis about it either, hopes that he can at least get a few kisses out of it.

One father thought isn’t enough to change a man. He’s a work in progress.

So when Louis comes back carrying Mia in his arms, Nick is a little confused. A lot of confused, actually.

“She’s going to sleep in here tonight,” Louis says, kicking the bedroom door closed behind him. “Puppy, too.”

“Excuse me?” Nick says, sitting up immediately.

“Our dog and daughter are sleeping in our bedroom tonight,” Louis says slowly, like Nick isn’t familiar with the English language.

“No, absolutely not. Nope. Sorry. Not a chance.”

Louis narrows his eyes at him, walking towards the bed slowly, like a lion stalking its prey. “I told you earlier not to say no to me.”

“Yes, well,” Nick says, clearing his throat. “I wouldn’t have to say no if you weren’t acting like a complete fool, love.”

Louis climbs into bed next to him, ignoring Nick completely until he’s underneath the blankets. He remains sitting, turning his body so that he’s facing Nick. He’s exactly where Nick doesn’t want him to be with the baby.

“You got her in bed and now you can get her out of bed,” Nick says.

“That’s not happening,” Louis says. “She’s my daughter and I want her in my bed, darling,” Louis bites back.

“I thought you said this was our bed, sweetheart,” Nick says, glaring at Louis.

Louis rolls his eyes. “You’re acting like a child.”

“You are a child.”

“Fine, you want to be an asshole, that’s okay. That is perfectly fine with me, but you’re sleeping alone,” Louis says, tossing the blankets off his body and stomping out of the room.

Nick groans, dropping his head back onto the pillows. He turns his head to the side and sees Puppy looking at him in distaste like he’s done something to offend her. “Oh god, shut up,” Nick says. “You don’t get a say. This is my house. You can sleep outside.”

Puppy doesn’t answer him, obviously, but she does look at him for a moment before she turns her nose up at him. Nick does the mature thing and sticks his tongue out at her before he gets up to shut the door and turn the light off.

~~~

Nick can’t sleep; he’s embarrassed and reluctant to admit it. It’s like his body knows that Louis isn’t in bed with him and it’s protesting, in it’s own way, because it also knows that it’s Nick’s fault. Possibly. Really, if he thinks about it long enough, he can see that it’s Louis’ fault because he’s so unwilling to compromise, and he’s a stubborn brat who has to have it his way or else.

He’s such a fucking nightmare that Nick’s body should be grateful that he’s not here. That he’s getting a break from Louis instead of punishing Nick for his absence.

He can hear Louis out in the hall, sees the glow of the light drifting under the crack at the bottom of the door. He can also hear Mia crying, the sound getting louder as Louis no doubt makes his way towards their door, probably on his way to the lower portion of the house to make her a bottle.

“I know, baby,” he hears Louis say, more than likely stopping right outside their bedroom door to make sure Nick can hear it. “You want Daddy, but he’s a sack of shit, isn’t he? He’s old so we have to let him get his rest, otherwise, he’ll wake up in the morning and look like a tired old troll.”

Mia cries in response, loud piercing screams that she chokes on.

“I know, I think he’s awful too, but you have to be quiet, sweetheart. We’d hate for Daddy to wake up and act like a grown up. So unfortunate if he acted responsibly,” Louis says before Nick hears him make his way down the stairs, Mia’s cries getting quieter and quieter until they disappear altogether.

Nick’s being the bigger person when he doesn’t reply to any of Louis’ remarks. It’s exactly what Louis wants, for Nick to get out of bed and take care of Mia, or for Nick to let her sleep in their bed, or for Nick to tell him to shut the hell up.

Nick’s better than all of this, above it all, and he’s not going to resort to Louis’ childish antics of name calling and insults. He’d never trash talk Louis to Mia, or at least make it known that it’s about Louis. He’s not a complete idiot.

He’s not even going to dignify Louis’ antics with anything, not even spare them a thought. Instead, he’s going to lie back in his comfortable, impossibly expensive bed - perk of having a wonderfully famous and rich boyfriend - and go to sleep with the only person in the house that wants to be in his company.

“Puppy,” Nick whispers into the darkness of his room. “Come lie with me.” He pats the bed next to him and watches as his dog opens her eyes to look at him, her expression bored and tired. He pats the bed again with emphasis, once, twice, thrice before he rolls to the edge of the bed, leans over and picks her up, dropping her on the bed next to him and forcing her into a cuddle. She squirms in his grasp, wiggling her little body around until he lets go of her. Nick watches as she crawls to the end of the bed and curls up in a little ball.

Nick groans; he can’t even get a proper cuddle from his dog. Louis’ probably trashed talked him to Puppy all day, fed her treats while he was at work in order to make her hate Nick. It’s worse than Louis shoving poison in his toothpaste, so much worse because his only ally is lying at the end of the bed, glaring at him in the darkness.

He hates Louis. He’s never talking to him again; he’s locking himself in this bedroom until Puppy loves him best. At least until the weekend is over and he’s free to leave for work, but work only. It’ll drive Louis mad to know that Nick is still in the house but actively avoiding him.

There are footsteps on the stairs again and Nick knows that Louis is making his way upstairs again. He glares at the bedroom door, hoping his gaze will penetrate the wood and Louis will know that he’s being given a dirty look.

“That’s a girl,” Louis says. “Only a little while longer until your real Daddy gets back and we don’t have to live with grandpa anymore.”

Nick moans and rolls over, shoving his face into Louis’ pillow and breathes as deeply as he can. He’s embarrassed by how quickly Louis’ scent calms him, how relaxed his body feels by the false perception of Louis being in bed with him. He falls asleep clutching the pillow to his chest.

~~~

“Wake up.”

Nick can hear Louis’ voice talking to him and telling him to wake up, but he doesn’t want to. He’s supposed to lie in bed all weekend and Louis isn’t going to fuck up those plans.

Louis pushes his finger into Nick’s cheek repeatedly while chanting, “Nicholas, wake up” over and over again.

Nick groans, unwraps a hand from around Louis’ pillow and swats at Louis’ hand. “Piss off,” Nick mumbles.

“Wake up,” Louis says, slapping Nick on his ass. “I have a band meeting or whatever. I don’t know, Harry told me about it just this morning, so I need to leave and you need to wake up.”

“Why do I have to wake up when you’re the one leaving?” Nick asks, cracking open his eyes and rolling over to look at Louis. He’s properly dressed, wearing the tightest jeans that he owns and a white shirt with his maroon beanie on his head. Nick glares him when he sees the pants, because how dare Louis put those on if he’s not going to let Nick take them off immediately.

“I’m leaving, so you have to watch Mia,” Louis says slowly like Nick has poor hearing.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Nick asks, sitting up in bed, the blanket dropping down around his waist.

“I’ll be home around three, five at the latest. Love you and good luck,” Louis says, bending down to kiss Nick on the cheek and rushing out of their bedroom.

Nick watches him go with his mouth dropped open as panic begins to bubble up inside of him.

Louis planned this. He’s going to stalk twitter adamantly and see if the little brat is lying to him. Band meeting his ass, Nick thinks as he grabs his phone off the bedside table to see if there have been any sightings of the other four One Direction boys.

~~~

Nick doesn’t catch wind of any of the others boys in One Direction being out this morning, he stalked twitter and various other sites all morning and there wasn’t so much as a whisper about a sighting. Nick knows that Louis did this on purpose, his own personal way of forcing Nick to act like a proper father.

Nick should have known that the monster would do something like this. He laughs bitterly as he closes his laptop. He stops laughing to glare at the framed photograph of the two of them sitting on the table in front of the couch. Louis’ smile no longer seems sweet; it’s ominous and manipulative, exactly like the boy himself.

Nick grabs his phone and sends Louis a text.

**You’re a liar. I hate you. I cannot believe you.**

Louis replies back a second later with three kissy faces and four hearts.

 **No. Come home. NOW!!** He types back, staring blankly at his phone while he waits for Louis’ reply. It comes a few seconds later and Nick could throw up because Louis is honestly _so_ annoying.

_You’re a father and you need to learn how to take care of your daughter. You’re being an overgrown child. Harry says you need to grow up. I win._

“I win,” Nick mocks, tossing his phone onto the other end of the couch. “Complete and utter lie,” Nick says to the empty room. Puppy is still hiding away in their, no _his_ bedroom, so he has no one to tell that Louis is a disgrace. 

Louis hasn’t won anything. Nick knew that he was lying, knew when Louis rushed out this morning that he was up to something. He should have known sooner though, should have known that Louis was plotting in the guest bedroom last night. That is the only thing that Nick didn’t suspect, so in that sense, Louis might possibly be winning.

But only possibly.

It’s eight in the morning and Mia hasn’t woken up yet, so Nick thinks that today might be an easy day for him. He’ll have to figure out how to make bottles, never having done so before, but nothing a quick Google search can’t handle. It always looks so easy when he watches other people do it.

Nick really believes that today will go smoothly. He really does. Mia is fast asleep, Puppy is sleeping, or at least she’s ignoring Nick, and Nick… Nick is going to sit back, prop his feet up on the table, and enjoy a morning without the nag he’s chose to enter a thing with.

~~~

Nick was wrong. So wrong.

He’s never actually spent time with his friend’s children, or his godchildren long enough to know that babies wake up screaming. He’s heard Mia yell, knows that’s how she gets Louis to come running for her, but he didn’t think that he’d enter her bedroom just to check and make sure that’s still living to see her eyes slowly blink open, almost as if she sensed his presence and immediately begin crying.

He’s startled. He hadn’t expected Mia to wake up when he entered her bedroom. He really, and truly thought that he’d be able to slip in and out, possibly have snuck back down to the living room in order to text Louis and give him a little lie about how badly Mia misses him.

Nick still pulls his phone out anyway, snaps a picture of Mia crying and sends it to Louis, along with a text that reads, **Please come home. I have no idea what I’m doing with this.**

“Stop crying, just hold on, okay?” Nick says, reaching into the crib and rubbing Mia’s stomach. His phone vibrates in his hand and he glances down to see that Louis has replied back with, _feed her! You need to go downstairs and make her a bottle._

Right, Nick things, a bottle, easy enough. He leaves Mia in her crib as he rushes downstairs to make it.

The different pieces of the bottle are lying scattered across the counter; he rushes around and gathers all the different pieces, checking with the bottle he sees put together to make sure he has enough parts. He stares at the different pieces and frowns because he has no fucking idea where to go from here.

“Make a bottle,” Nick repeats. “Make a bottle.”

He glances around the kitchen and sees a container full of formula powder; he makes his way over to it and sees a piece of paper stuffed underneath it. He glances at it and registers that it’s Louis handwriting.

_She eats two ounces of formula, you need to use the jug of purified water and pour it into the bottle. After, you place one of the plastic drop-ins inside of it. The bottle has measurements on it to help make sure you’re doing it right, and the drop-ins look like plastic condoms. (It’s weird, I know. But I was completely startled when I first opened the box and saw them.) Next, you have to measure one spoonful of formula and drop it into the water; the spoon is inside of the formula container. Put the nipple on the bottle, then the pink band that connects the bottle to the nipple. You have to shake it before she can eat it, and make sure that you push the air out of the nipple until the formula starts to squirt out. Then, feed her!!!!!! Don’t forget to burp her when she’s finished. And change her diaper!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck._

Nick reads the note three times and does as instructed before rushing upstairs with the bottle. Mia is still crying, swaddled so tightly that she can’t move but Nick can see that she’s trying her hardest to break free from the blankets.

“All right, I have it. Calm down.”

Nick leaves her in the crib while he feeds her, leans against it and holds the bottle in place. Mia immediately stops crying and begins sucking, happy little squeaks leaving her mouth as he continues to drink the liquid.

“That a girl,” Nick praises her and watches as she continues to drink the bottle, the liquid slowly disappearing from the drop-in. He feels a little bit of pride as he watches his daughter drink.

It’s an odd thought, that Nick Grimshaw has a daughter. A daughter with Louis Tomlinson, a boy that he used to hate, that the entire world thought he hated until they were spotted together. A boy that he used to deny being with when asked about it on his show every morning. Louis Tomlinson, a boy that he refuses to believe has turned his entire world upside down.

Mia continues to hum and make happy baby noises as she finishes off the bottle. Nick pulls it out of her mouth and sees that she’s finished, polished it off completely. The drop-in has turned to a tiny, shriveled up bit of plastic, almost completely inside the nipple.

Nick sets the bottle down in her crib before he begins his search for a burp cloth. He finds it lying on the changing table, another piece of paper with instructions next to it. Nick shakes his head as he’s once again reminded that Louis planned this entire thing and set him up.

He ignores the note, for now, in favor of tossing the cloth over his shoulder. It’s pink with little butterflies over it, and Nick has to roll his eyes because his entire life is about to become about pink and purple and butterflies and flowers and ribbons and bows and sparkles and glitter. He hates everything about this.

Nick picks Mia up easily and places her over his shoulder, patting her on the back and waiting for her to burp. He’s holding onto her effortlessly, although a little stiffly, if he’s being honest. His muscles feel tense and taut. He’s unfamiliar with holding a child, one of that’s life is completely his responsibility. It scares the shit out of him to know that he’s in charge of making sure that she performs easy bodily function like burping. He didn’t want this for his life, he really didn’t.

Nick’s never wanted children. And Louis continues to ignore everything Nick wants and continues to fuck up his life. He’ll never get over it.

Mia burps in his ear, a disgusting noise that leaves a foul smell in the air. Nick pats her back a few more times; a silent congratulations as he goes to check the next note that Louis has left for him.

_You’re not going to like this part, but you have to change her diaper. She’s no doubt soiled it while she was sleeping and while you fed her, you better have fed her! Changing a diaper is self-explanatory; I’ve laid everything out that you need. Make sure you prepare the other diaper before you put the new one on. I’d hate for her to pee on you while I’m not there to witness it. She has a bit of a rash so you need to spread some ointment on her bottom, and make sure it’s tight enough so it doesn’t leak later._

Nick lays Mia down on the table and carefully unbuttons the onesie she’s wearing, lifting up her legs with one hand as he pushes it up behind her. As soon as he sets her legs back down, she begins screaming, loud piercing cries that rip straight through Nick as he fumbles around with the clean diaper, trying to get it unfolded.

“Please don’t cry, it’s okay,” Nick says, attempting to soothe her while he struggles with her kicking legs. “Please cooperate. I’ll give you endless chocolates when you’re old enough if you lie still. I promise.”

Mia doesn’t buy it; she kicks her legs, screaming at the top of her lungs while Nick tries undoes the diaper she’s wearing and immediately gets the new one on. He fumbles around with the cream, nearly dropping it on her when she throws one of legs up viciously and knocks into his hand.

He applies the cream to the angry red skin and thinks about how Mia has more than just Louis’ steel blue eyes and thin lips, but also must have inherited his temper, and his inability to let Nick do anything without causing a fuss. She’s exactly like Louis and Nick curses himself for being stuck with two Louis’ for the rest of his life as he puts the final touches on her diaper.

“All finished, love,” Nick says, gently tugging the onesie down over her little legs and buttoning it up over the diaper. “Need to fix your hat, it’s all messed up from when you threw that little tantrum.”

Nick tugs the hat back down on her head. It’s a little cotton baby beanie with a giant fuzzy pink bow on the front of it. He looks at her for a moment, taking in the lavender colored mittens that say ‘I love Daddy’ on them in darker purple writing. Her onesie matches the mittens and Nick knows that Louis put it on her just for Nick. He is ‘Daddy’ after all, or so Louis claims.

Mia is still screaming as Nick picks her up, holding her in his arms and rocking her gently while he gets the blanket out of her crib that she was swaddled in moments ago. She slowly begins to stop crying, her eyes blinking slowly as he stares at Nick.

“That’s my girl,” Nick says, barely thinking about his words as he carries her down out of her bedroom and back into the living room. He drapes the blanket over her body as he descends down the stairs.

She’s fast asleep by the time he makes it downstairs, figures that while she’s sleeping he can watch a movie. He knows from his experience with friends that you’re supposed to hold a baby as much as possible, and in all honesty, he’s a little terrified that if he sets her in her swing that she’ll begin to scream again.

His arm does feel a little heavy and tired as his sits down, his muscles straining from staying in the same position with a weight on top of them. He lays her on his stomach against his chest as he leans back against the couch, propping his feet up on the table and continuing the movie he had going earlier.

As he holds her he rubs his thumb across her back in soothing circles, the same way he does when Louis is upset about something, the method always calming him down as he presses himself close against Nick.

He gets it, why Louis wanted her so badly.

Nick probably doesn’t understand it the same way Louis does, but he gets it in his own way. She reminds him of Louis in a way that makes his chest feel heavy and tight. He doesn’t think it has to do with the physical characteristics that are a striking resemblance, or the way she fusses like Louis, or feels comfort as she lies against Nick’s chest. It’s something more, something he can’t quite put his finger on.

He thinks it could be the way that he was terrified of her at first, how she introduced herself into his life without warning and began her own careful way of slowly taking it over without Nick’s permission. He felt the same way with Louis, the pure terror at the way he bombarded into every nook and cranny of Nick’s life, his mind, and his heart. How Louis never took no for an answer and never backed down from anything Nick threw at him. Neither Louis or Mia allow him to be afraid of them properly, allow him to ignore them completely, or allow him to live in the illusion of the life that he has inside his head, the life he thought he was meant to live.

He was so fucking wrong to think his thing with Louis would ever remain just a thing. So wrong, and he knows it as he feels Mia’s heartbeat against his own.

~~~

Nick’s eyes slowly blink open, he can sense that someone is watching him or at least near him. He shakes his head a little as he wakes, trying to get rid of the confused feeling he has from waking up, when he doesn’t even remember falling asleep. His vision begins to focus and he sees Louis standing in front of him, looming over him and smiling smugly as he takes in the scene before him.

“Hi,” Louis says, smug smile still on his lips.

“Oh god, stop looking at me like that,” Nick says, sitting up slowly, careful to support Mia as he does. He doesn’t remember when he shifted from sitting up to lying down, but his back feels stiff and his foot is asleep, no idea why since his feet were hanging over the arm of the couch.

“I see you two are getting along, finally,” Louis sings, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Nick can practically see the excitement rolling off of Louis as he realizes that he was right and his idiotic plan worked.

“I wasn’t going to just let her starve, was I? Plus, it’s not my fault that her body produces so much heat that I was practically forced into falling asleep with her,” Nick grumbles. “I don’t even remember falling asleep. What time is it?”

“After noon,” Louis says, glancing at the clock on the wall. He looks back at Louis expectantly and when Nick looks at him in confusion he rolls his eyes. “Are you going to hand her to me or are you going to continue being greedy?”

This time it’s Nick’s turn to roll his eyes. He shakes his head at him and stands up from the couch, passing Mia over before he stretches, arms held high above his head as he watches Louis bounce her in his arms.

Mia’s eyes begin to slowly open, blinking up at a Louis for a moment before they close again. 

“Oh, there’s my girl,” Louis coos. “Hi. How’s my baby, hmm? Daddy take good care of you today?”

“We were fine,” Nick says, reaching out to brush his fingers around Mia’s covered arm.

Harry and I were betting that you’d be dead by the time I got back,” Louis says easily, bouncing Mia in his arms. “Shame Harry was right and you’re alive, isn’t it?”

“Shame for you if I had died, if anything. You’d be stuck with a life full of misery, wouldn’t you?” Nick says, brushing his finger along Mia’s cheek. “Miss me terribly if I was gone. Who would cook your meals, dear?”

Louis snorts and pulls a face. “I’d hardly miss you. Probably throw a party in the celebration. Isn’t that right, Mia? Hmm? Throw a party if Daddy left? And we can hire a chef, a fancy one that doesn’t argue when Papa tells him that his cooking is shit.”

Mia wiggles a little in his arms. Her blanket is still draped over her body, not tight enough to restrict her movements completely, but loose enough that you can see her arm trying to break free underneath it, almost like she wants to break free.

Louis continues talking to her as she wakes, murmuring little insults at Nick and cooing at her until she’s fully awake, looking at him for a moment before she begins to cry. Proper screams that cause her mouth to open wider than Nick has ever seen it, not like he’s seen her cry much, today is the first day in the time she’s been home that he’s actually been near her.

“She must be hungry, can you make her another bottle?” Louis asks, bouncing Mia in his arms gently.

“Afraid not,” Nick says slowly, watching as Louis looks at him. “I’ve met my quota for the day. I wouldn’t want to strain my fatherly duties. This one is all yours.”

“Oh for god’s sake,” Louis mutters angrily, shaking his head at Nick. “You’re impossible.”

“Only for you, darling,” Nick sings, smiling widely just to aggravate Louis, cocking his head to the side when Louis glares at him.

“You’re holding her while I make it,” Louis says, shifting around to hand the baby over.

Nick doesn’t get a chance to argue before Mia is placed in his arms, a smug smile on Louis’ face when he realizes that he beat Nick at his own game.

Nick sighs heavily as he slowly begins to rock Mia in his arms, using the hand underneath her to rub soothing circles onto her back. Her cries begin to get softer as he does it, little whines every few seconds before they disappear and she just looks up at Nick.

“Hmm, Louis says thoughtfully. “Maybe she isn’t hungry just yet, could possibly just want a cuddle. Hand her back to me. I’ve been away from her all day and I’ve missed her terribly. You didn’t send me any pictures but the one and I want to make up for lost time.”

“Oh whatever,” Nick says, rolling his eyes as he allows Louis to pull the baby back into his grip.

Mia doesn’t last long before she begins screaming again, kicking her arms and legs around, wiggling horribly while Louis struggles to hold her.

“Giver her back,” Nick says. “You obviously don’t know how to hold a baby properly. Come on, give her to me.” He takes the baby back, shushing her while he begins to rub her back. “That’s a girl, Mia. That mean man isn’t going to hurt you anymore, I promise.”

“What did you do to her?” Louis asks in outrage when Mia’s cries quiet down once again after being placed in Nick’s arms.

“Nothing,” Nick says easily, shrugging his shoulders.

“Well,” Louis starts after a moment of watching as Mia stares up at Nick. “I did tell you that she loves her daddy, proper daddy’s girl and everything, just like I said. I told you and you refused to listen, didn’t you?”

“Just like you then, isn’t she? Bit obsessed with me,” Nick says, winking at Louis.

“Oh god, you’re positively revolting,” Louis says, pulling a face. “I can hardly tolerate you let alone be obsessed with you. Please don’t think differently.”

“Darling, we both know that’s not true,” Nick says, clicking his tongue at Louis. “You’re lying, and you shouldn’t show your daughter such bad traits. Wouldn’t want her to grow up and lie all the time, would we?”

“You’re a jerk,” Louis says, a hint of a smile in his voice as he stares at Nick.

“It’s only because I love you,” Nick says easily.

It takes a moment to realize what he’s said, the words having slipped so easily from his mouth, like he says them all the time. He doesn’t, he really and truly doesn’t. He means them, of course he does, but he’s only ever really said it out loud on three different occasions. The first time when Louis poured his heart out to him and Nick had fucked up by staying silent, muttering an ‘okay’ with a shrug of his shoulders before he rushed out of Louis’ apartment. It took him three days to realize that he was a complete knob and needed to rush back to Louis, which he did. A second time when Louis surpsised him with a rare collection of vintage vinyls that Nick had been desperately trying to find for ages. He was positively radiating with happiness when he opened them and the words came so easily to him that he couldn’t but say them, repeating them again and again while he kissed the taste of red wine out of Louis’ mouth.

The third time is now, this very moment.

Nick doesn’t know why he said it. Maybe because the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach since they brought Mia home has settled, maybe because Louis makes him feel things he never thought possible, makes him question his entire existence on this planet with just one glance. Or maybe it’s because he’s happy, positively blissful and content in this very moment, no longer afraid to admit his thing with Louis is so much more. He’s not afraid to be a father. He’s not afraid of anything.

Or at least he wasn’t. Now his tongue feels heavy, his chest tight as he tries to figure out a way to take it back. Louis is looking at him with an unreadable expression that Nick can’t read to save his life.

Louis must be able to tell that Nick is about to properly panic because his expression is no longer unreadable; it’s slowly shifting into something else, something softer as he begins to smile at Nick. His eyes are squinting up at him as a smile spreads across his face.

“Me too,” Louis murmurs, standing up on his toes to place a kiss on the corner of Nick’s mouth. “Me too.”

Nick nods dumbly, grateful that Louis doesn’t call him out and doesn’t point out that Nick has only ever said it three times. He’s grateful that Louis knows he means it, knows he feels it, even if he doesn’t always say it.

“I’ll go make a bottle,” Louis says easily, rubbing his hand up and down Nick’s arm before he slowly leaves the room.

Nick watches Louis go and takes a deep breath, allows his body to relax.

Mia kicks in his arms, gurgling up at him until he looks down at her. And maybe, just maybe can finally see the appeal of a just in case room.

**Author's Note:**

> Louis and Nick adopt a daughter that Nick is not quite ready for / nervous about taking care of himself. Louis leaves Nick alone with her for the day without telling him after conning with Harry to do so, to get him to take care of her and be less afraid of her.


End file.
